Week 12 Edition
Written By Bo McBrayer@Bo_McBigTime
I have been stuck in a rut with my home life. Projects around the house keep piling up, but for the life of me, I just can’t seem to find the gumption to even start one of them. My daughter’s ceiling fan (that I installed poorly) is hanging from the ceiling ballast by its wires and one very trustworthy screw. Our side yard is a grave for many of our puppy’s…movements, but I promised my wife to transform it into a garden last year. I work Tuesday through Sunday, 45 minutes away from my home. This translates to over 50 hours a week I’m simply not around for distance learning, puppy training, and massaging shoulders. When I arrive home, it’s usually in a heap of mental exhaustion, leaving just enough fortitude to cook dinner.
Sundays are for football, but this would be the most opportune time to take on projects. I wish I had the expendable wealth to have people to complete these tasks for me and to do them better than I can. I have become quite handy over my nine years of marriage out of necessity to not be as absolutely worthless as I was when my wife and I met. Certain things I think I’m good at, such as writing, hold no value when it comes to marital equity. Picking plausible-but-unlikely events to happen in the NFL doesn’t rev her engine, so to speak.
So I write these columns every week for myself. It’s a hobby that feeds into my self-worth and validates my belief that I could do this for a living one day. I am already a nationally-renowned hearing care provider, achieved through the same insatiable drive to be better than everyone else in the same position. That is my tick; I need to focus so deeply on perfection at my craft, to the point that I myself can look down on my peers. I am not there yet with my fantasy analysis or writing, but rest assured that I will sit on that pinnacle before my days are done.
Last week, three of my PICANTakes were actually pretty darned close! Even the one I was furthest from getting correct, Packers-Colts under 42, was stamped out after a furious first half scoring spree, followed by what I expected (slow pace) in the second half into overtime. Green Bay even went the length of the third quarter without a single first down!
My third-closest prediction was that Taysom Hill would score four combined touchdowns and the Saints would defeat the Falcons by 20 or more. Hill and the Saints got off to a sluggish start (the whole game did), but Hill rambled in for two rushing scores and was just as impressive as that red-hot Saints defense in a 15 point win.
Second closest was a laugher to start. I predicted that the Chargers would blow a late lead and gift the Jets their first victory of the season. With 5:33 remaining in the third quarter, I felt as if this one was dead in the water with the Chargers comfortably ahead 31-13. It was at that moment, however, that the Chargers did what they do better than any other team this season. The Jets put the ball in the end zone twice after that to only one field goal for LA. Joe Flacco had the ball in his hands with a chance to tie the game at the end, only to fall short. I couldn’t contain my laughter that this one was almost an all-time prediction with that sort of late lead.
Finally, I did get two out of three parts of my Curtis Samuel prediction. He did out-receive Mike Davis and he WAS a WR1 in Week 11(!!!), but sadly he did not outrush Mike Davis as I predicted. Some will give me the credit for nailing this one, but it would feel tainted to me. I already did my Curtis Samuel victory lap for similarly hyping him up as a DFS play.
This week, I’m going for the gusto with my PICANTakes. The idea is to take shots at unlikely, but plausible scenarios. The only rule is that I can only do Twitter victory laps if I get them 100% correct. Buckle up and pour a cold one, it’s time to get SPICY!
Raiders vs Falcons Will Be Over 60 Points Total, the Highest Total on the Slate, and Combined 900 Yards Total Offense
I already put this one out there less specifically on Twitter and caught shrapnel for it. The doubters are with the Falcons offense scoring without a healthy Julio Jones. Judging by his late return to last week’s game, his hamstring injury is not serious. What I do expect is for these two offenses to feast on two of the most forgiving defenses in the NFL. Las Vegas is in the bottom ten of every category and the Falcons are bottom three. Derek Carr is playing out of his mind right now, reminding many of his 2016 MVP chase season. I think the Falcons move the ball better without Todd Gurley and spread it all around through the air. Matt Ryan has his best games against bad defenses, so here we go!
Tom Brady Will Commit Four Turnovers and the Chiefs Will Beat the Bucs by 21+
Lost in this burgeoning dynasty for the Chiefs is how well their defense rises to the occasion. Tom Brady is the GOAT, but has looked confused and a tick slower in his decision making this season. The talent around him is palpable and has bailed him out plenty, but this game will be marked by a massive start by Kansas City and Tom Brady pushing to bring them back, which will be a disaster. I’m calling this one 42-21 Chiefs.
James Robinson Will Compile 150 Scrimmage Yards, Score 2+ Touchdowns, and Jags Will Upset the Browns
The Jags are 1-9 this season and that surprises nobody. What has been surprising is their grit and determination to keep most of those games close until the end. Jake Luton gives way to Mike Glennon this week, who isn’t good either, but shouldn’t look terrible against a pretty average Browns defense. James Robinson figures to be the driving force behind any offensive surge for Jacksonville, as they will be without DJ Chark and Chris Conley. They do get back rookie receiver LaViskaShenault, who could surprise everyone with a breakout performance. I think Robinson will cement himself as the Jags’ running back of the future, nonexistent draft capital be damned! The Browns haven’t impressed since they played the Bengals a month ago.
Saints versus Broncos Will Finish Under 35 Total, With Fewer Than Four Combined Touchdowns.
The Saints are starting a Tebow clone at quarterback for the second straight week. The Broncos might be forced to start running back Royce Freeman at quarterback. This one might look like an Army-Navy game from the 1960s, with one running a Wing T, and the other running the Wishbone. The clock will be running, the boxes loaded, and nary a fantasy performance to write home about. All the guys in their high school parking lots, beer guts protruding from below their faded t-shirts will tell their nephews that they played in this game.